We all know the scenario. Some movie protagonist is facing some movie antagonist, and the antagonist tells him to choose who dies, his (insert family member) or his (insert other family member). Always, always our good-hearted protagonist offers himself first. Only very rarely does this work.

Donnie Darko, because his enemy is metaphysical, chooses himself. Ontic enemies rarely allow this.

The rest of the time, our insidious villain makes some smart comment, and we're back to square one. The Internet Explorer team's smart response to our valiant attempt to save all our users was to provide us the conditional comments specification. Please note, the villain will never just decide to give up his evil ways at this point. Never.

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